Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
