Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
