You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
