when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
