i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
