i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ttyl tear gas
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
