i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it because I queefed?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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