Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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