: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
