I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
