my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
