I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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