I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The adults are the big ones right?
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