At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently you make a good broom.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
