WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She bit a glass in half.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
