And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
