A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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