no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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