she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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