just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
