Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
