She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
