You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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