i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
