i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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