Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
