The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
