I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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