just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
