im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
