i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
