Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
