Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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