I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
