UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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