I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Boobs speak an international language.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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