don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
