My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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