i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
