he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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