i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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