I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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