P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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