It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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