I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
