I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
