I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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