i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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