After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
