I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
