It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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